From:
Bruce Major
Subject: Warning Signs
You just may be a Scoutmaster...
...If most of your wardrobe is olive
drab or khaki.
... You have holes in the pockets of
your jeans from carrying a pocketknife.
... You begin to think half frozen
French fries don't taste all that bad.
... You keep a bucket of water by
your side while cooking dinner.
... You spontaneously break into
strange songs in public.
... You can stare at a spider web
for an hour, and not notice the time passing.
... You carry your own toilet paper
wherever you go.
... You always read by a flashlight.
... Your radio is always tuned to
the weather station.
... You hoard tent stakes.
... You wear 2 pairs of socks to
bed.
... You keep a lantern hanging
outside your bathroom door.
... You sleep under a trash bag.
... You cannot walk by a piece of
trash without picking it up.
... You carry a dufflebag size
first-aid kit in your car.
... You always have hat hair.
... You continue to wear it until it
stands on it's own.
... You’re always counting how many
matches you have left.
... You know all the words to
"Little Bunny Foo-Foo", but can't remember where you left your
briefcase.
... You see paint samples in a store
and immediately want to name things in nature with the same colors.
Page 2
... Your pots and pans are all
black.
... You roast a mini-marshmallow on
a paper clip over a candle; then put it on a golden graham with one square of
chocolate, just to get the flavor.
... You always cook enough food for
twelve.
... All your clothes smell like
pickles (from the bucket).
... You always have a cup hooked to
your belt.
... All your dishes have little
pieces of egg stuck on them.
... You own little bits of every
color felt.
... You open letters with a
pocketknife.
... You have something on your
shoe...and you're sure it's only mud.
... You wear bread bags on your
feet.
... You know 365 one-pot meals.
... If your "microwave" is
a box wrapped in foil.
... When opening large gifts, you
survey the box wondering if you gave a piece of foil large enough to cover it.
... You buy your shampoo in little
tiny bottles.
... You order pizzas 14 at a time.
... You have the urge to help little
old ladies...whether they want it or not.
... Everything in your cupboard says
"Instant, just add water".
... Your neighbors hide when they
see you going door to door with "that order form" again.
... You have to go to the restroom
and you start looking for a buddy.
... You really do use those emergency-sewing
kits.
... You go to someone's house for
dinner, don't like the food, and ask if they have peanut butter and jelly.
... You see a pile of rocks and
immediately put them in a circle.
Page 3
... You know 100 uses for a bandana.
... All your shirts have pinholes in
them.
... You wear thongs in the shower.
... You actually own the book,
"How to Sh*t in the Woods".
... You have a collection of used
candles and dryer lint.
... Someone asks for a volunteer and
you find your hand is already in the air.
... Your favorite cologne is
"Deep Woods Off!”
... You can't remember which hand to
shake with in the office on Monday morning.
... You miss the
"floaties" and "sinkers" in the office coffee.
... Your computer password is
"YIS." (Yours in Scouting)
... You miss "cargo
pockets."
... You REALLY LOVE your
self-inflating sleep pad.
... You have the end of every rope
at home backspliced or whipped.
... You correct someone who says,
"Gee, I used to be an Eagle Scout", and then get him to volunteer in
your Troop.
... You always have a boy
registration and adult leader application in your red bag. And you have to keep
replacing them.
... You deeply understand the
potential of a group working together.
... You camp for a week in the
summer with about a dozen old guys; about 40 between 18 and 30; along with
hundreds between 11 and 18; and the whole thing works!
... You know you have brothers all
over the world.
... You have seen the spiritual
power the outdoors can have on men and boys.
... You have helped raise each
other's children. You are proud of the mentors your sons have found.
Page 4
... You know who in your troop can
really cook and whose talent lies in dishwashing. And, you think a pan of warm
water feels pretty good after dinner.
... If you catch yourself singing "God Bless My
Underwear" when it's time to sing "God Bless America".
... If you say "signs up"
in a business meeting to quiet everyone down.
... If you turn down a raspberry
almond torte for a spoonful of Dutch Oven peach cobbler.
... If you find yourself discussing
the relative merits of internal-versus external-frame packs at a seminar.
... If you hear someone refer to
'S&M', and you chime in with, 'no, the acronym is SM.'"
... If your closets are full and
they don't contain clothes, but craft stuff.
... If you have a special weaved
belt loop cup holder.
... If you know more than two ways
to light a fire.
... If your gourmet meal consists of
cornbread, "Spam," and bug juice.
... If your idea of a burned-out
lightbulb is a broken mantle.
... If your front door has a zipper
instead of a deadbolt.
... If your last birthday cake was
prepared and served in a Dutch Oven.
... If you're the only one on your
block with a fire pit in your back yard.
... If you've ever been mistaken for
a park ranger or a State Trooper.
... If your "family
vacation" includes 30 kids
…Your wife/husband doesn't know if
the trash collector has ever requested that you not hang your bags between the
trees in the parkway.
... If you've ever heard the phrase,
"Trust me, it's only an hour a week!"